A Perfect Love

Much to the annoyance of friends and family, I am naturally nocturnal. In order to integrate into society,  I have made concerted efforts over the past few months to wake up early enough to greet the new day head on. Every now and then, though, I find my duvet far too soft, my sleeping posture far too perfect for this to be feasible. This was one of those magnificent days:

I headed down for what I conveniently call 'brunch'; though with the clock nearing 2 PM, it is what most refer to as lunch. On such occasions, living at home is wonderful. I come down to a sumptuous, healthy home cooked lunch by Nana with my Ammumma (grandmother) and Appuppa (grandfather) for company. It is days and moments like these I missed most during my time in the UK.

This particular day, however, my Ammumma was in a truly aggressive mood - she was having what seemed like a marathon argument with my Appuppa. Left, right and centre she was leaving no syllable unexpressed in explaining her reasons for current failings in Syria. People take guard, the house shakes and I prepare my stomach for the salad I will have to consume (far easier than not, given the circumstances) when my Ammumma is in one of these moods.

All through the 'blasting', my Appuppa listened patiently and calmly. He filled his plate with brown rice and daal whilst carefully measuring a reply; a key lesson I've learnt from my grandfather is to always weigh a response adequately before you unleash it (especially against such a formidable foe).

As a tense silence filled the dining room, I nervously filled my plate with as much salad as I could find and racked my brain to find a suitable conversation topic lest my inability to engage in conversation is my Ammumma's next target. In such tense moments, I've personally (painfully) learnt that making yourself the smallest target in the room is clearly game theory optimal (if confronted with flight or fight, there is no doubt in my mind what I would choose). My heart did go out to my grandfather, but right now - YOYO, Appuppa (You're on your own).

A few seconds of silence and then my Ammumma reached over and stroked my Appuppa's hand. Startled, he asked, "What, Rayma?" Quietly, my Ammumma responded with the kind of love I only know her to exude, "Nothing, Gopi. I just wanted to stroke your hand."

Just Walk Away

She was an annoyed teen; his constant smile had more milk teeth than not. Accompanied by a harried mother and a drowsy father, they were your typical Dubai airport transit family.

They are standing at the edge of two long, automated walkways, one in either direction. He challenges her to a duel: he’ll race her to the end and will do it on the disadvantaged walkway.

It’s evident to all she doesn’t want to do it. Her annoying brother, does he ever sleep? Why can’t he pester someone else? Why is /she/ his affectionately appointed best friend? Ugh, at the least, she can walk her way to victory. But she’ll have to walk back. Well, he’ll have to walk back too; that gave her some comfort. Bragging rights could be fun.

3. 2. 1. And they are off. Well, he is off; she casually strolls into the lead. He goes as fast as he can but a third into the race and he’s definitely losing. She allows herself a rare smirk; looking at how hard her brother is trying, her victory may be sweet after all.

From the sidelines, I was clearly rooting for the little boy with his heart on his sleeve. Run, Forest, Run! But there’s no way he can win, can he? Even if he has another gear, it’d be awfully close. What would I do? Personally, I’m far too lazy to challenge people to races. But if I did? Would a psych out work best? A distraction? There seemed to be no edge to gain, no way to win.

And then the boy just stopped. With palms and chin on the moving, ‘disadvantaged’ railing, he watched his departing sister with the best poker face I’ve ever seen. No smile, no laugh, no resignation, nothing; he just watched. Unsurprisingly, she was not as good at the poker face; it was a miracle the smoke detectors weren’t blaring. Unwittingly, she had forced herself into one of the most frustrating to and fro ‘strolls’ of her life.

The entire duel hinged on his unwavering thirst to engage and beat his sister; and like a skilled waiter pulls away the tablecloth, he had stripped this (his!) activity of his eagerness. He had flat out given up and quietly floated away towards his awaiting mother. She, on the other hand, had the kind of look on her face that was so priceless I’ll carry with me to my grave.

My ICSE/ISC upbringing requires every story to have a moral, a message; heavens forbid we share a story simply for the story. So I suppose the little boy’s message is that we aren’t always playing the game we think we are and that the best way to win some games is to not play at all (OR, pretend to and then sucker punch the older sibling with a big, jam bun!).

Corporal Punishment

From Wikipedia, so my sources are obviously legit:

"Nimzowitsch was annoyed by his opponents' smoking. A popular, but probably apocryphal, story is that once when an opponent laid an unlit cigar on the table, he complained to the tournament arbiters, "He is threatening to smoke, and as an old player you must know that the threat is stronger than the execution.""

I've been taken in by chess recently and when I came across this anecdote, the first thought that crossed my mind was the corporal punishment meted out in Indian schools. The term 'corporal punishment' adds a lot of underserving structure and civility to a teaching practice that is rooted in brutal dominance and chaos (but that's just me). But all children in India are exposed to this, some obviously much worse than others. It's still around because it works; it's incredible what you could get people to do for you if you put the fear of the lord in them.

At the heart of it, though, the efficacy of corporal punishment comes from the threat of further execution of it, and not from the literal execution of tempering the steel. What that leaves children (and eventually, adults) with is the Pavlovian urge to submit when facing the threat of physical punishment. Personally, I'm not a fan of training the future of my race to readily submit. As highlighted, that's a personal opinion. I think there are definitely some thought threads that are ready to accept a submission-prone proletariat; but I think it is highly unbecoming of the world's largest democracy, not to say counter productive.

(cue: drama) What is learnt may never be unlearnt.

It might sound dramatic, but I do believe 'un-training' years of a particular habit is extremely difficult.

I think it's interesting to see altercations between people in India - especially road rage incidents - the way one aggressor will violently raise his hand above his head in preparation to strike, take one step forward and menacingly bite his lower lip - the curious thing being that no blow is ever struck (well, sometimes at least). In a way, the aggressor is just trying to imitate what his teachers (or anybody in authority) did to him when they needed him to submit when he was younger.

(aside) I suppose sometimes we are merely reflections of past deeds. Or that there exists a learning morphic field around us. http://www.sheldrake.org/homepage.html


(aside: I wonder what happens to creativity in tasks that have potential corporal punishment payoffs)

There are many reasons why corporal punishment is still quite prevalent in India; none of them good. I don't think it's enough to just make it 'illegal' without addressing the issue at its core. Since schools are extremely well versed with (dis)incentives, we should be doing more to incentivise schools to stomp down on it.

Reality:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-south-asia-11617206

"Out of the 13 countries which were the subjects of the research, India was ranked third in terms of the estimated economic cost of corporal punishment."

"The study, Prevention Pays, found discrimination by caste and gender was the major cause of violence against children in India." Discrimination? Woah, whole new terrifying dimension. Though they do seem to be talking about 'violence against children' as a whole.

"Teachers tended to justify their actions by saying they were overburdened with too many pupils." I'm not even...

"The study found that even many students believed corporal punishment was sometimes necessary.

Plan reckons anything between $1.4bn and $7.4bn was being lost every year in India in social benefits because of school violence.

The cost is based on estimates of how the larger economy is affected by the impact of corporal punishment on pupils' attendance and academic performance."

Bahadur

I just walked out of Heathrow and was all set to get home in a nice, complimentary chauffeur driven car, a luxury possible thanks to the wonder of miles. I was directed to a man with a board that read 'Ravi-Chandar,' who helped me put my suitcase into the boot. I was on my way home.

I usually tend to strike up a casual conversation with the driver. I start with asking about what it's like to drive in the UK and take it from there. 

"So, do you like driving in the UK?"

"No, not really. Some people tend to drive because they enjoy it; it allows them to think. To me, it's just a way to make money. It's all financial."

He told me his health was very bad. He had a different job that paid great but he needed perfect health to continue working and he was shut down four years ago. He maxed out his cards and savings a year ago and spent the last of it on the car to make some money. He's waiting for his health to get better so that maybe he can return to his earlier job.

This man had shared something so personal with me and I was truly humbled. I took the opportunity to formally introduce myself and what followed next was one of the most inspiring conversations I've ever had.

He was born in Iran and his parents were very poor. He told me that his shoes always had holes in them and his feet were always freezing. But he only knew they were freezing many years later; cold was all he knew and his feet were how how he thought feet should be. That's all he knew and how can life be anything more than what we know?

When the Iran - Iraq broke out, he was called into the army. He served for 4 years on the front line. 

At the end of that, he moved to Tokyo and did whatever work he could find. He jumped multiple jobs, always moving to a higher pay grade. He said the best part, though, was how much he learnt and how it opened his mind. After working very hard for a few years, he returned to Iran. He had earned so much money that he had become a millionaire. He bought his parents a house and his brother two flats. He started a building business in Iran and became a multi-millionarie. 

He lived a good life for a long time but then some political issues arose that forced him to have to leave Iran very quickly. He had to leave everything behind; all his assets were locked up and he could take nothing. The most important thing he had to leave behind was his family.

He arrived in the UK with 20 pounds to his name. He was extremely hungry and had to choose between eating a McDonald's meal now and starving for a while later, or some how rationing out this money. He decided that he was going to get nowhere with 20 pounds and that it was better to eat now and figure out a plan on a full stomach.

Turns out, he did make a plan. He started working tons of manual labour jobs and was making 13 pounds a day. He didn't need much, though and this was more than enough for the time being. He then started switching jobs again, making more with each job. After years of hard work again, he had a really high paying job. He started a company doing what he knew best - building. The money was extremely good and again, he was a millionaire. 

Then, his health took a turn for the worse. He had some condition that caused him a great deal of pain; he spent his entire day in pain. He had to give up his company until he got better. After a few years of recovering, he had spent all his savings (family was back with him) and maxed out his credit. He bought a car and decided to take make some money off it until he got fully better. 

And so, you see, he didn't like driving because driving was just a way to get by until he can get his company back.

Ours was a conversation and didn't follow in the way I laid it out above. We talked about different parts of his life and more importantly, different parts of his views on life. I (now flippantly) mentioned early in the conversation that life seems to be like a roller coaster and he constantly worked that into how his life moved. He ended by saying that again, his roller coaster is at the bottom and it's time for him to work hard and go up again. 

We had an intense conversation and he shared much more. He did, however, mention that his sons get all the best shoes with no questions asked; he never compromises on shoes. I realised that I was fortunate enough to be in a car with greatness. 

The Fibre of Man

"Why are our politicians so corrupt?"

"Man, I hate my government. The people running it are inept and I can't get anything done without paying a bribe."

"Our laws are so archaic. We should change them! But our politicians, my god, they are so corrupt. Lets march instead of exercising our power to vote and influence government!"

(Sadly, people who say the last one aren't usually being sarcastic)

I don't really think we are sharing ideas/thoughts/feelings about our politicians that are founded in rationality anymore. Corruption is horrible, I agree. But really, if you think about it, corruption in a democracy is really a function of a bunch of apathetic, ignorant voters making suboptimal choices in choosing who amongst them gets the selfless, prestigious role of governing them. (Or, it is a result of man being fundamentally evil and the potency of power to reveal this - however, as cynical as I tend to be, this is a conclusion I cannot bring myself to believe).

I'm not a fan of bolding/italicising things, so when I do both, I'm clearly being desperate in making a point. The discussion revolves around us, the people, and the obvious realisation that politicians aren't extra terrestrial beings sent to rule over us. They are, in fact, us. These are people that we went to school with (possibly), lived in the same city with and possibly share lots of things in common with. They are us. They too enjoy biryani and hot tea on cold days. Actually, we should be electing people that are most like us and whose views mimic ours and hence, we can be best represented (lol,jk?). And we, Indians, as a people are inherently selfish. We have to be - it's a dominant trait in a severely resource constrained world. It isn't something we can wish away.

However, we believe that once we elect our government officials that they are to rise above their own selfish interests and instead, selflessly serve us while we ourselves go about living out our days in a our own hedonistic, selfish pursuits. This belief isn't rational. It's silly.

Instead, we need to make it the selfish interest of the people who go on to be in power to selflessly serve us. I believe we do that by not being apathetic and ignorant.

We make informed choices and thus, elect those into power who genuinely want to serve the people and are best suited for the job. We keep a close eye on them and constantly stay up to date on whether or not they are following through on their promises. And we care enough to weed out the bad information and focus on the issues that count; have the discussions that matter. And when someone messes up, even a little bit, we throw them out and start over. This might sound utopian, but it isn't - it's just how a democracy is supposed to function!

Corruption is horrible, bad and is presently crippling our standard of living. But it is merely a symptom and not the illness. I hate to say it but the illness is us.

The rape wasn't the first and sadly, it won't be the last. It's horrible because for those gruesome moments, we realised that we watched and did nothing. We could have changed the laws years ago to make strong disincentives for crimes against the brutality towards women. We could have made law enforcement better to ensure we live in a safer country. We could have helped her when she was most vulnerable and not just gawked. But we didn't, we gawked and we realised how pathetic our apathy had left us.

Man isn't inherently evil, though. India will shock itself away from apathy and through education, will liberate itself from itself.

A Tale of Two Teams

So, the other day, Rohan and I were feeling particularly buoyant and decided to play a game - we each pick the best 18 man football squad in the world without allowing the duplication of players. We played  RPS to decide who picks first and then we went sequentially.

I'm writing this blog post because the idiot that is Rohan believes that his team is better than mine. He's clearly delusional and usually, I'd let him revel in his delusions. However, I like to pick my battles - I'll let him believe that the world loves him, he's appealing to women and that he's remotely smart. But I will not let him believe his team is better. Either comment, or drop me a message if you think my team is better. If you think Rohan's team is better, reassess your life.

We each picked 2 goalkeepers, 6 defenders, 6 midfielders and 4 forwards. After we picked our squads, we played a game on Fifa :). It was legendary.


Nikhil's Team:

Goalkeepers: M. Neuer, P. Cech 

Defenders: T. Silva, D. Alves, Abidal, Lucio, Maicon, S. Ramos

Midfielders: Xavi, Fabregas, Schweinsteiger, Ribery, Robben, Cambiasso

Forwards: L. Messi, S. Aguero, D. Drogba, Robin Van Persie

Formation: 4 - 3 - 3 with a false 9. 


Rohan's Team:

Goalkeepers: I. Casillas, J. Hart

Defenders: A. Cole, Pepe, Evra, Lahm, Vidic, Pique

Midfielders: Iniesta, Bale, Xabi Alonso, Gerrard, D. Silva, R. Van der Vaart

Forwards: C. Ronaldo, C. Tevez, E. Hazard, Neeeymaaaaaaaaar

Formation: 4 - 3 - 1 -2

Ideally, I'd defend my team. But it seems unfair unless Rohan can defend his too, so I won't.

But I can tell you the result of the first game - we were high on adrenalin and I was too busy attacking to defend. Rohan took a 2 - 0 lead in the first half, Tevez scoring two counter attacking goals.

At the 60th minute, it was 2 - 2. Tevez went on to score 4 more goals - a double hatrick. Rohan still lost :)

Conversations with Ani

You said the youtube comments were procrastination. We generally associate activities that aren't conventionally productive to the self or society as ones that are pointless - thus indulging in them is procrastination.

But that requires us to set about understanding why productivity is important. It's important, I suppose, because we are genetically built to propagate and ensure the continuation of our genetic coding. When we're productive, we make our species more resilient. But what of it? So we live longer as a species? Towards what end?

We will one day die. We know this in our lifetime. So we keep ourselves busy till we die, and when we do, we smile thinking of how much more resilient we made our species.

We live in a world of probabilities and I can safely assume that the probability of the extinction of our species (and life on earth) is non zero. Perhaps infinitesimally small, but non zero. Given we're this resilient, I can again safely assume that we're going to persevere until we can't. In theory, life will exist for an infinitely long time. In this infinitely long time span, the probability of an event with an infinitesimally small chance of occurring is a certainty. Eventually, it stops. It could be the sun burning out, a meteor or just stupidity. It doesn't matter.

So given that there is this end (for us and our species), what is it that we do but procrastinate?

It sounds morose. I don't mean it to. It's only morose if you think of death morosely. I don't. It's inevitable. It's like a roller coaster ride that ends. Just because it ends, doesn't mean the ride isn't epic